


Hawke...You are the worst

by thekroganwhisperer



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Drinking, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Humor, I'm Bad At Titles, Public Hand Jobs, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 06:41:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18441134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekroganwhisperer/pseuds/thekroganwhisperer
Summary: What happens when Varric finds Hawke sitting in his lap?





	Hawke...You are the worst

**Author's Note:**

> I love this combo so much. I've written smutty fan fic before but not Dragon Age. Please enjoy! Comments and Kudos make me happy!

 

 

 

“Hawke, you didn’t!” Isabela’s laughed ricocheted off the walls of the Hanged Man. A loud and naughty sound that turned heads.

Varric paused, his hand of Wicked Grace clasped tightly in his grip, _Ah shit, what has she done now?_  He thought. He wondered if the entire tavern could hear her since the door to his room was open.

“Yup, I am now a premier customer!” Hawke threw back the rest of her tankard of ale and put her foot up on the table, tilting back in her chair, dangerously.

“What in the Maker’s name is she talking about?” Anders asked, throwing his cards down, folding. They were all sitting around the large table in Varric's quarters for their regularly scheduled game.

“It’s Hawke, do you really want to know?” Fenris asked, glaring at the mage.

“I’m surprised you don’t know Blondie, you spend the most time with her,” Varric said, watching as Ander’s face colored.

“It’s not like that!”

They all groaned. Hawke had been trying for years to catch the blonde mage’s attention. Ander’s was too stubborn and as Hawke had told Varric “more interested in making himself suffer than getting laid.”

“If you don’t get over yourself and take what’s she’s offering, someone else will,” Merrill said, in a sing-song way as she drew another card.

“What’s that’s supposed to mean?” Anders asked.

“It means, Blondie, eventually she’ll get tired of the chase and move on.” Varric didn’t say what he wanted to, that he’d had dreams she’d move on to him. That way lay disaster. Besides, he didn’t even like humans, right?

“Oh Hawke, I can’t believe it, the whole brothel! Don’t tell your mother what you're spending your fortune on!” Isabella laughed again.

“Sooo worth it!” Hawke chortled.

“Did Hawke just admit to sleeping with everyone at the Blooming Rose?” Aveline asked, scandalized.

“Did she? Did I miss it?” Merrill asked, eyes wide, looking over at Isabella and Hawke.

“Yes, she did!” Hawke called over to them, “if you are going to eavesdrop, do it properly!”  The two women stood up, arm in arm and sauntered over to the group.

Varric took in a deep breath to steady himself. He could smell stale beer and that piss they called stew. Daisy smelled like flowers and Blondie like Elfroot. But Hawke, she didn't smell like anyone else. Her scent stood out to him in a way he wished it didn’t. A musky tangy scent that followed her everywhere.

“Ah, there’s no room at the table!” Isabella pouted before falling into Fenris’ lap. Broody groaned, rolling his eyes, but his lips turned up at the corners.

“Is that a sword in your pants or are you just happy to see me?” Isabella smiled up at him. He reached down under her and her laugh became a purr.

“Fenris!” Aveline scolded.

He pulled out a dagger and showed it to Isabella, “a knife.”

“You’re no fun.”

“That’s not what you said last night.”

“If you’re quite done whore, I’d like to finish this game and go home,” Aveline said, eyes narrowing as Isabelle squirmed around in Fenris lap, getting comfortable.

“Well that still leaves me without a place to sit,” Hawke said, crossing her arms. She looked at Anders, a question in her eyes.

“You can take my spot Hawke, I was just…umm leaving,” Anders said, quietly, standing up.

“You done for the night Blondie? That’s not like you,” _Coward. If a woman like Hawke wants you, you take her. The tortured mage and the Champion of Kirkwall; what a tale._

“Ander’s sit down. I won’t take your spot,” Hawke huffed, hurt apparent in her voice.  But then she grinned and before Varric knew what happened she was perched on his lap, her round firm ass pressed against him and he had to internalize a moan. What the fuck was she doing? She leaned forward arms on the table and grabbed his whiskey. She drank the rest in one gulp and called to Nora for a fresh round.

“I think the slattern is a bad influence on you. Do you really want everyone to know you’ve slept with most of Kirkwall?” Aveline asked.

“That’s Madam Slattern to you,” Isabella said, causing Merrill to laugh so hard she snorted.

“Why would anyone care? I mean Carver might. Slutty mage sister isn’t a great story to tell the other Templars, but it’s not like I’ve gotten any better offers.”

There was silence at the table for a moment. Hawke’s very pointed statement hanging in the air. Anders was staring at her, and Varric could see the war in his eyes. Maybe he should talk to Blondie, tell him the martyr act wasn’t working and to just admit he was in love with her already.

_Take your own advice Tethras._

When Ander’s didn’t speak Hawke sighed and Isabella launched into a raunchy story about crabs, a ship manned by only women and a lonely Chantry sister.

With every laugh and bounce, Varric became even more aware of the woman in his lap, his best friend. A woman he’d follow all over Thedas if she asked.  Not only was he becoming aware of her, but his body was trying to make it known.

“Why don’t I get us more drinks?” Varric asked, after losing, spectacularly, at the next hand.

“Oh, it’s my turn to buy, don’t worry Varric!” Merrill stood up and practically skipped to the bar.

“Hey, where’s Sebastian?” Hawke asked, as she leaned forward, showing him a thin line of skin as the top of her tunic lifted from her pants. Just seeing the slight curve of her hip and line of her bare back and suddenly his pants were too tight.  _Well, shit._

“He hates the Hanged Man, why would he come?” Fenris asked, glowering at the cards he was dealt.

“Because I asked him too,” Hawke said, she scooted back on Varric’s lap and froze. She turned her head, stared at him and he gave her a sheepish grin shrugging his shoulders. Of course, of course, she had noticed his growing erection. Now she would be disgusted by him, get up, yell, possibly electrocute him and never want to hang out with him again. He’d miss her passing out drunk in his bed, long nights in front of the fire at her house and no longer have anything interesting to write about.  His mind was spiraling out of control when she scooted closer, moving right on top of his throbbing cock. Almost like it was on purpose. Hawke hummed and settled, ass cupping him. Was she trying to kill him?

“Why would you want him here? Sebastian is boring!” Isabella exclaimed.

He sucked in a breath between his teeth, _what the fuck, what was she doing_? Thankfully the table came up to her waist and no one could see them, but she wiggled her hips in a circular motion, her ass pressing against his cock. She wasn’t in her armor and the thin linen trousers she wore made him aware of one fact. Hawke wore nothing underneath them. Her ass was cradling him too perfectly and the thought made him grow harder, what was wrong with him? _Wait did she just gasp?_ Hawke’s hand came down and squeezed his thigh. She wasn’t looking at him any longer but paying attention to her cards and the game. She stopped moving, maybe she hadn't noticed? Maybe this was all in his head? A nightmare? A lust demon? Whatever it was, it was a punishment. Maker only knew what for. 

“Not playing this hand Varric?” Anders asked as he finished dealing.

“No, think I’ll sit this one out,” it was hard to speak, “I’ve already lost too much coin to you nug lickers for one night.”

The breath left his body as Hawke began a slight rotation of her hips. She had to know what she was doing, right? He focused on keeping his face neutral and paying attention to the conversation as Hawke slowly but steadily worked him with her ass.

“Did I miss anything?” Merrill asked, putting more drinks down on the table and grabbing her cards.

No one seemed to notice his state of discomfort and arousal or that Hawke was moving back and forth on his lap.

“Not a thing,” Hawke said as she pressed down harder on him.

He gripped her hip to stop her and her hand squeezed his thigh again. She peered at him over her shoulder. Alcohol flushed cheeks and eyes bright she asked, “you ok?” And he knew she meant, “do you want me to stop?"

He swallowed, mouth dry and grabbed his drink, “I’m fine,” _keep going._ She nodded, but her hips stopped moving. She opened her legs wider and as was her custom, leaned forward on the table, one elbow up, holding her cards as one hand slipped down in between her legs. Anders was staring at her. The table pinched her tunic giving Blondie a view of her cleavage. Not indecent, but it was obviously intentional. 

"Like what you see?" She asked Anders.

"I know I do!" Isabella quipped.

"That's because, Trollop, you've already seen everything Hawke has to offer," Aveline said.

"I haven't," Merrill pouted.

"At least someone is appreciative," Hawke said, her hand trailed up Varric's inner thigh. Was she talking about him?

"I...uh...I didn't say I wasn't," Anders stammered. 

Clearing is throat Varric joined in the banter before someone noticed something was wrong, "Hawke, you shouldn't tease Blondie. You know Justice doesn't like him to have any fun." Everyone laughed.

"Fine, I'll find someone else to tease, I guess," she fake sighed and rubbed on him again, resituating so his enclosed cock was pressed between her legs, snuggly up against her core. He almost choked. The hand under the table patted his knee.

He was so hard, so turned on that feeling the heat from her center so close with only cloth between them was too much. When her hand found his cock and began stroking he almost dumped her on the floor and demanded everyone leave the room. What was she…what were they doing? His Chuckles didn’t act like this with him. She fucked prostitutes, sexy pirates, cute Elvin redheads and fell in love with blonde mages.

The game played on, her slow steady strokes made it difficult to concentrate. He strained against her, wanting and dreading the outcome of her ministrations. He hadn't come in his pants since he was a teen, but he wanted to now. 

No one seemed to notice what she was doing, as she drank, laughed and talked, like nothing abnormal was happening.

Eventually, Aveline had to leave. Merrill was so drunk she giggled at everything. Fenris and Isabella were wrapped up in each other.

“I believe I win again Hawke,” Anders said smugly.

“And what would you like for your prize?” Hawke flirted. Varric couldn’t believe it, she was flirting with Anders while giving him a hand job.  He didn’t know what came over him, jealousy he’d never felt before, not even with Bianca. He moved his arm around her waist and pressed two fingers against her soft mound. Her own hand stilled where it moved against him and then brushed over his fingers, pressing them into her, rubbing, a small moan under her breath. He could feel wetness through the cloth. He didn't think it possible, but he was even more aroused. Did she actually want him? Was this really happening? Did he want it to? How would it change things? His lust-addled brain ran around in circles. She went back to touching him, fingers sliding up and down his leather encased member, she squeezed her thighs and Varric knew his orgasm was close. 

"oooh, I know, show him your boobs!" Isabella yelled.

"That what you want Anders? To see my breasts?" She dropped her cards and gripped the bottom of her shirt like she wanted to pull it over her head.

Sweet Maker, was she really going to take her top off? 

She laughed, her whole body shaking at something Anders said and Varric came. He shuddered under her fingers, his hot seed shooting against the leather of his pants. He closed his eyes and rode the waves of his climax, hiding his enjoyment behind the rim of his cup. Bucking against her fingers, still leisurely caressing him, he came down from his high and focused on what just happened.

“I’m going, Merrill, can I walk you home?” Anders asked. Merrill burped and nodded her head. The two left.

“I think we’ll be going too!” Isabella jumped off Fenris and began to drag him away, presumably to her room.

Once they were all gone, the door softly clicking closed behind them Hawke turned in his lap, arms were thrown around his neck.

“My turn, but maybe without the clothes” she whispered, huskily.

“Hawke, you really are just…the worst,” Varric said as he leaned in to kiss her.

 


End file.
